Just can’t seem to do it.  Nearly 37 years on this earth, and I still can’t seem to get it right.  In my defence I’ve only technically been supposed to be doing it for half that time, but still, you’d think by now I’d have some clue. I’m talking about adulting.  That’s right, being a grown up person with grown up thoughts and doing grown up things.  Today was especially bad.  Had candy for supper.  Yup, sour gummy worms.  That was me being a great role model for my child and all that.  But in all honesty, that’s what I feel like most days, that I’m faking it.  Still waiting to wake up and feel it.  Whatever “it” is supposed to be.  Responsible?…Capable?…Stable?  I don’t know.  Maybe it’s something as small as not feeling the urge to simply NOT be those things.  How do it work?  Do I just wake up one day and “feel” like an adult?  Like a real grown up big person who wants to do whatever grown up big people do?  I don’t know.  To be honest, I’m not quite sure how I’ve made it this far.  Most days I still feels like that little girl who would crawl in her mommy’s arms every night and fall asleep while watching tv.  And to be honest, I’m not  sure if I wouldn’t actually do that tonight given the chance.  Like I said, especially bad day at this whole adulting business.  Suppose I’m not doing too bad at the whole faking it part though.  I’ve managed to keep my son alive for nearly 15 years (even if we do have candy for supper some nights) and he seems to be a somewhat well-adjusted child.  As well adjusted as a teenage boy who has a mother suffering from a slightly less severe version of Peter Pan syndrome (and by slightly I actually mean not so slightly) can be anyway.  This day is almost over however, and I seems to have managed to fake it for another day.  Maybe tomorrow will be the day I will wake up feeling like an adult.  Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean anyway.  Until next time my dears. 🙂  Oh, and I will make sure my child has a glass of milk before bed to off set the sugar for supper.  Sure, I’m feeling more grown up already! (only I’m not really).  Still faking it.

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