Yep, those were the things that I needed today. Not in a literal, physical sense, but in a metaphoric, emotional one. My child left today. Not like forever or anything, but for 12 days. Might as well be forever. A tad dramatic of me I know….(eye roll). But he’s my best person (how very cliché of you Kara my dear), but it’s true. He’s always just kinda here….even when he’s not, you know. So my abandonment issues are in full bloom right now. Code orange(or whatever the almost terrible but not quite terrible enough code is), they are on high alert. But Alas, the child is happy, and so I shall be too! (Not happy.) Moving on. After giving myself a well needed, and I must say, pretty peppy pep talk, I come home to wallow in my self pity (guess that pep wasn’t pep enough), only to find that I was locked out of my house. How this happened is neither here nor there (incompetence…not mine…never mine). The fact of the matter is, I was standing on my bridge, Mcdonald’s in hand, trying to fight my way into my house. I lost. Thanks to my neighbour (my savior on most days it seems), and some handy work with a couple of tools (not ruling out some minor breaking and entering in his past…just sayin’….) I got into my house! Victory! Only now, I’m in my house, with cold Mcdonald’s, an achy arm (who knew breaking into one’s own home could be so much work), and no child. And to top it all off, I only have one bottle of wine….ONE. Can’t even drink this day away. It’s not so bad I suppose, I have Netflix, and all my good friends are on stand by ( and by good friends, I mean the kind that lives in child proof bottles and all end in pam). Today might have been a crappy, horrible mess, but it did teach me a lesson (key the Full House Music right here). It taught me that, the value of a good pair of big girl panties, and a push up bra are never to be underestimated! We all need support some time or another, even in an emotional sense (blah, blah, blah….cry me a river….I know….I know.) And ONE…single like me…. bottle of wine…. really?!?! Ugh, seems as though my brain took flight with the child today. That is all my dears. xo
Just can’t seem to do it. Nearly 37 years on this earth, and I still can’t seem to get it right. In my defence I’ve only technically been supposed to be doing it for half that time, but still, you’d think by now I’d have some clue. I’m talking about adulting. That’s right, being a grown up person with grown up thoughts and doing grown up things. Today was especially bad. Had candy for supper. Yup, sour gummy worms. That was me being a great role model for my child and all that. But in all honesty, that’s what I feel like most days, that I’m faking it. Still waiting to wake up and feel it. Whatever “it” is supposed to be. Responsible?…Capable?…Stable? I don’t know. Maybe it’s something as small as not feeling the urge to simply NOT be those things. How do it work? Do I just wake up one day and “feel” like an adult? Like a real grown up big person who wants to do whatever grown up big people do? I don’t know. To be honest, I’m not quite sure how I’ve made it this far. Most days I still feels like that little girl who would crawl in her mommy’s arms every night and fall asleep while watching tv. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I wouldn’t actually do that tonight given the chance. Like I said, especially bad day at this whole adulting business. Suppose I’m not doing too bad at the whole faking it part though. I’ve managed to keep my son alive for nearly 15 years (even if we do have candy for supper some nights) and he seems to be a somewhat well-adjusted child. As well adjusted as a teenage boy who has a mother suffering from a slightly less severe version of Peter Pan syndrome (and by slightly I actually mean not so slightly) can be anyway. This day is almost over however, and I seems to have managed to fake it for another day. Maybe tomorrow will be the day I will wake up feeling like an adult. Whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean anyway. Until next time my dears. 🙂 Oh, and I will make sure my child has a glass of milk before bed to off set the sugar for supper. Sure, I’m feeling more grown up already! (only I’m not really). Still faking it.
God, I wish there was a good story behind that title, but nope….there is not. So, as any of you return persons know, last night I wrote my very first blog (yay me)! Good Glory to the man above, someone should have warned me how much effort goes into one of these things. Spent the last two and a half….yes that’s right….two and a half hours, just trying to get my site title and background set properly! Me nerves is shot here now. Never in my life did I think WordPress would be the thing to break me. I kid…I kid (sorta). Now that I’m done I feels almost as accomplished as the day I gave birth to my son…almost. So, in other news, I’m still single. Nope, Prince Charming didn’t manage to find me since last night. Gonna have to lock myself in a tower somewhere I suppose. Did I just mix up fairy tales there?…I don’t know. Anyway, on to what I was planning on telling you before my mind went wayward. Even though no Prince Charming, I did get something that might be even better! A new tattoo! It’s my fourth, and I may be a little too excited about it, but hey, the highlight of my day is usually taking my bra off….so this is a fantastic day for me….lol. Well, then you knows what I had to do right? I made the design for my new tattoo the background for this blog! Take that WordPress, you almost made me cry, but in the end it was worth it. I know “they” (who ever the hell they are ) say nothing worth having in life comes easy, but come on, it’s a blog. Going forward I now know, don’t believe anyone when they say, “You should write a blog, there’s nothing to it sure”. Hmmmm…yeah…ok….whatever…eye roll…eye roll…eye roll. All kidding aside. I’m loving this so far. I might be sweating, but I’m also smiling. So it was worth it. Look at that “they” might know what “they” are talking about after all. Until next time my dears! I’ve posted a pic of my new tattoo for your viewing enjoyment, ain’t it preeeeetttyyy?! 🙂
It is though right? Being single is where it’s at. That’s what we tell ourselves, and our friends anyway. Commitment….pffft…that’s for the ol’ timers. The generations that didn’t know any different and thought that was the only way to live life. Attached. To one person. Forever. Like forever forever. But not us, nope! we are a much wiser generation. Making it all on our own. Single frozen dinners, single movie rentals from the movie channel, I mean really, we single-handedly (see what I did there) got it made. So, as I go about living my single life, I thought I would share my thoughts and experiences with other happy singles (yay us!) out there. Now, I know you haven’t sensed a hint of sarcasm in a word that I have written in any of these words (enter eye roll here), but I have decided that for better or worst I am single. I’m not an old maid, even though given my age some might disagree, I’m just single. So this single gal’s big plans for this night is to eat a single pint of ice cream, while watching my single profile on Netflix, and of course checking all my socials to see what my non single friends are up to this evening. It’s always interesting to see how the other half lives from time to time. So this is single me, saying a single bye bye (I know there are two byes there, not one, I’m single not illiterate). I’ll be back tomorrow to let ya know what all my couply friends had for supper tonight and which one of them did the dishes. It’s riveting I know. Let’s see where this blog takes us together shall we. And by together, I mean single together. 😉
I needed somewhere to put my thoughts. Some place that was all mine to speak, but I could still be heard. That is why I started this blog. To sort it all out. Get it all out. Maybe someday even figure it all out. This is my place.